"I remember someone old once said to me: 'That lies will lock you up with truth the only key.' But I was comfortable and warm inside my shell, and couldn't see this place would soon become my hell." --lyrics The Special Two, by Missy Higgins
How did I end up here? I'm still not sure. I don't remember coming or going, and the path seems far from where I stand. It's been a rather mystifying turn of events. I never would have imagined that things would/could turn out in that way, and that order. Somehow, it happened. And here I am. Trying to figure out what to do. Trying to figure out how I feel. And not knowing either one.
"I don't know what I've done. Or if I like what I've begun." --lyrics Where I Stood, by Missy Higgins
"Everything's changin' out of what I know, everywhere I go, I'm a mobile, I'm a mobile. Hangin' from the ceilin', life's a mobile, spinnin' 'round with mixed feelings, crazy and wild. Sometimes, I wanna scream out loud." --lyrics Mobile, by Avril Lavigne
I've been pondering for days, to no end and no conclusion. I still can't seem to muddle through this mess of emotions that exploded within me. I don't know what I think, or what I feel, or what I'm doing. I can't sort myself out. I can't see the big picture anymore. I'm irrevocably lost within myself. All these feelings whipping past me. I can't seem to solidly grab hold of anything anymore. Or at least not right now.
"Why do I rush to slow down? Why do I rush to slow down everything? Will the dice ever roll? When will I ever know? Will the plot ever twist, or will I still resist? I've been playing the part of a lost realist." --lyrics Lost Realist, by Trapt
It's hard to say what will happen next. I didn't expect the happenings that have already occurred to happen, so I guess anything goes at this point. From moment to moment there's just no saying what the possibilities are. But I suppose that's part of the beauty of life, the unpredictable. There's something so satisfying and yet simultaneously frustrating about the uncertainty of time. Lady fate is a devious being. Nobody knows where their own destiny truly lies.
"See I thought love was black and white. That it was wrong or it was right." --lyrics Where I Stood, by Missy Higgins
I don't know exactly how I feel about everything. I don't know how to describe this jumbled mess that I've become. I don't know what I want, or where I'm going anymore. I don't know a lot, but I do know that love is a relentless thing. And of all the things I don't know, I do know that I'm in love. Not quite sure how I ended up there either. Unexpected turn of events in this past short little while. Falling head over heels, is that a problem or a blessing?
"Don't know if this will last. Or if our time will come to pass. I'm not concerned with things like where or when. Don't know if it be wise to call that love there in your eyes. I just know it's good to feel this way again." --lyrics Wise, by Shannon Noll
I'm not sure of much these past few days. But sooner or later I'll be sure again. Sooner or later I'll get control of myself again. The world, the feelings, the confuzzlement, it will all come back into focus and be less confuzzling. Blasted discombobulation. I'm bound to regain my composure, right? Or will this disorientation last a lifetime? Heaven please bless that it isn't a permanent effect. I'm already getting dizzy.
"When you're young you have this image of your life: That you'll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife. You make boundaries you'd never dream to cross, and if you happen to you wake completely lost." --lyrics The Special Two, by Missy Higgins
'Round and 'round we go...the ride is ever running, ever turning. The craziest joy ride ever; life. Grab on, buckle up, hang tight, and see what's around the next bend. Ready or not, here I come. Well, I'm not sure if IT'S ready or not, but I know I'M not. Yet, here I go anyway. I just can't forget to breathe, please don't forget to breathe.
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